my thoughts served to you in the cold words i write tonite

just some thoughts on my mind at this very time......

some days i just question the world and why people are on it
is there a heaven or a hell...what if there isnt? whats the point of organized religion.....what if religious groups are just lies to keep people sane...if you knew there was no after life though wouldn't you care more about the life you have now....live your life like you have one...and only one...isnt that how it should be.....i also think about how the world can never be perfect....theres always going to greed among people...and someone always wants to rule above others....its human flaw humans by nature arent perfect so for religions like Catholicism to enforce ad near perfect existence is a hard thing to force upon its followers....people who by nature can't be perfect....if there is a god behind the catholic church he sure has a sick sense of humor....but then again if there is a god or goddess period they sure have a sick sense of humor....i used to go to a church a supposed ''christian" church and the more i questioned the more i was told.....have faith in god.....have faith in Jesus....have faith in the holy spirit.....have faith in humanity.....fuck faith.....all faith gets you is a life wasted and life short of what you could have had.....having faith in people you know and love is one thing but having faith in something that has yet to be proven remotely existent is completely different.....if i was to ask a friend to catch me as a lean back chances are they would make an attempt to catch me or break my fall......but wait what if i resort to the church method what if i lean back and say "hey god catch me ok" i would call on my back and hit my head and get a concussion...."hey thanks god you son of a bitch" now im in a comma......if there was a god why would he let me go into a comma.....if there was a god whey would he let the innscent be persecuted......why would he let those who do wrong succeed so much as they have.....how can murderers walk after taking a life....how can rapists rape again and again.....how can people cause themselves harm...how can he let someone be so sad as to want to hurt them selves or commit the act of giving up on life and attempt suicide.....what kind of god is that if there is one.....

once again my appologies for not writing.....

i haven't felt the urge to write in this blog as much as i usually do im too busy....and i just can't channel my thoughts like i normally can its kind of annoying yet also kind of relaxing i dont have the regualr urge to get my thoughts out in print or on paper i guess thats a good thing but then again i like to regularly write stuff even if they are small posts.....this may be a long post or a short one i know everything i am typing now is coming straight from my mind to this screen....i feel as thought i am going through guitar playing withdrawl its not a happy state for me i must play guitar for atleast an hour a day to be content with myself when ever i am on a trip i take a guitar or i write but lately i have had more of the urge to play guitar......but do to a minor and annoying injury i have been limited in my playing for my own good......my cat had been in a bad mood and struck my middle finger with her claw and put an inch and a half long cut down the inside of my finger which makes guitar playing kind of hard since i use my middle finger for just about every chords scale or song i do......it has limited my practicing and my own parents told me that if i tried to play with this large cut it would open up and get infected......that owuld not be so good so i have given up my guitar for a couple days it has been two days and i can feel my calices arent as tough and i have the urge to play but dont want to hurt myself.....i have written some stuff but its hard to write when you cant hear or attempt to play what you have written.....this is a major annoyance.........other then this guitar playing withdrawl my life seems to be ok......im not depressed and not feeling particularly deep as of late i see things simply and am only mildly upset that i dont have a job and summer is coming to an end.....i need a job and to get some volunteer our......i wish i could find a nice teenage weekend job in seattle but it seems like all the jobs have been taken or people are cutting back on work force............this is a major bummer.....im supposed to go t a band practice in two days and hopefully my finger will be healed enough for me to play then so i wont have to call off the practice......practices seem pretty nice......the people im in a band with are some cool people and as i mentioned before our line up is kind of unheard of because its often overlooked or misjudged.....most owuld assume to girls in a band would only send the band into a pop music or bubblegum direction but the girls in my band really seem to be into rock and roll and metal its great we working on a cover of a metallica song just for practice sake.....no ideas of giggin with it but its going down great and.....i have a really good idea for an upcoming original song......if i feel its nessicery i may post a recording of some songs or some practice footage if anyone reading things has any interesting in what i do with this band.....other wise i will keep it to myself and keep it between my and the band.....a while back i posted some poetry and some lyrics i was very hesitent about posting some of my lyrics in fear that someone may poach them and use them for their song but i feel that may be unlikely although you can never be so sure with the internet...its very annonymous and in that way things like ideas can easily be ripped off so i think i will take special precaution before posting lyrics or songs if any individual would like to follow my blog i would be happy to email some lyric samples but i would prefer to not just display my work where anyone can claim it.....i hope that doesnt sound too paranoid but i just feel that alot of the lyrics and stuff i write or that members or my band write are personal and in some cases heartfelt and it would be just a shame to have that effrot and emotional attachment to the lyrics ripped off by someone who lacks the creativity to write and transcribe their own thoughts and words..........this band thing is going great i cant wait until next practice......our isnger is doing some volunteering so that means its just me and the girls for a few practice.....it should be nice its not like im really interested in any of them that much.....but they are cool people and i just think the time can be fun sometimes i have no plans of ever getting involved with anyone in the same band that is just destined for trouble and would cause a similar yoko ono effect....for thoses of you not familiar or who live under a rock yoko ono was a beatnic who had grown attached to beatles frontman and writer john lennon and the two had became very emotionally attached to eachother causing the beatles as a band to spin out of control and thus break up after many strange musical expirements thats porved to be unsuccessfull.....i just dont think dating anyone in the band im in would accomplish anything goof it just seems like a bad idea.......i really miss isabelle.....isabelle if your reading this i miss you alot.....i hope your having a wonderful time.....i hope to talk to you soon........i cant think of much else to say in this post i have highlighter most of my thoughts...........i would like to thank anyone who finds my posts interesting or even takes the time to read them if you like what i am writing or have anything to say i love reading comments and constructive criticism is always welcome if you disagree with me i would like to know why....if you have a problem with me i want to know why that might be.....fallow my blog.....comment on my posts.......i thank anyone who visits this page to read my posts......to isabelle.....hug.....to everyone else reading this......i hope you have enjoyed what i have to say......

haven't written in a while.....figure my thoughts would sufice...

i'm in pain.....my finger tips have chalices some of my fingers are bleeding......not a lot but enough to be annoying....i played guitar for four hours today when i got up......clean tones and dirty ones.....notes flood my bed room that i cleaned last night......fast notes and sustained ones......clean tones and dirty ones....the amplifier says "fender" but the sound coming out of it says "patrick" this is my style....my music......i could play someone elses song but it would be me playing it....it owuld be my style.....my tones.....my guitar.......these are the random thoughts that fill my brain....now to speak normal and let some oppinions flow....

so i practiced with my band a couple days ago.....no official name yet we have gone by atleast three different names in the last month and that cant help for attention seeing as people would grow to like us only to lose track us while we change our name yet again....nothing seems to just scream out nothing fits.....we've written 8 original songs over the summer and the sounds seem to range from blues to metal to good old fashion rock and roll.....its hard to name a band when you dont have one sound......i dont want to label the band as that owuld limit us......were just a band....we play music and write music....we jam every week......not too many gigs if any.....were just a band......a rather unorthadox line up in anyone elses eyes.....infact i was tlaking to my mother about the people in my band and it came up that two memebers were girls and she jumped to the conculison we were bubble gumn pop....these girls are metal and rock and roll....oh how the female person has been stereotyped